She's just a poop machine...
Emerson has had explosive diarrhea for 2 weeks now and there is no end in sight.
Her daycare won't take her back until it clears up. The pediatrician is assuming a virus at this point.
Which means that either Rod or I will have to stay home with her. Probably until she starts kindergarten. Luckily for me, Rod has been generous with taking days off from work so I don't have to.
I worry that the doctor's office didn't test for some exotic infection and she is slowly wasting away on the inside. Which is stupid. Our doctor's office rocks.
I worry that one or both of us will stop being considered good employees. Which is stupid. We both totally rock at our jobs. When I do need to take off, I make sure that my bosses know that Rod takes off at least as much time for the baby as I do, so that they know that I have a 50/50 partnership at home regarding childcare and that I'm not taking off nearly as much time as I *could* be taking off if we followed traditional gender roles and let my career take the back seat every time the baby needs something.
I feel like my attention is being pulled in so many different directions right now. A month ago, I felt like I had *excess* time and was thinking about taking a college class this fall. Right now, I just feel overwhelmed. My dad had bypass surgery last month and I felt worthless for going back to Tulsa and working while he was confused and recovering in the hospital. I feel worthless for not taking better care of our now three dogs, who are all starving for attention at this point. I feel worthless for putting extra strain on my coworkers on the days I take off. I feel worthless for sitting at my desk at my largely sedentary job while Rod is taking care of Emerson. I feel worthless for not devoting more attention to my role as a Youth and Government advisor, while people who have a lot more going on in their lives than I do have been pulling my weight. I feel worthless for falling right asleep at night rather than reading something. I feel worthless because my house is such a mess that I can't stand being in the one place I'm supposed to be able to relax.
I feel bad for all the stuff I *haven't* done, but it's not like I've been lounging around doing nothing. I have just been doing a half-assed job on a million things. But that's all I can do right now. I haven't done anything just for myself in almost a month now. My cross stitch project has been untouched for weeks, which is a good measure of the "me" time I am able to get. I don't see that happening this weekend, but maybe soon.
Her daycare won't take her back until it clears up. The pediatrician is assuming a virus at this point.
Which means that either Rod or I will have to stay home with her. Probably until she starts kindergarten. Luckily for me, Rod has been generous with taking days off from work so I don't have to.
I worry that the doctor's office didn't test for some exotic infection and she is slowly wasting away on the inside. Which is stupid. Our doctor's office rocks.
I worry that one or both of us will stop being considered good employees. Which is stupid. We both totally rock at our jobs. When I do need to take off, I make sure that my bosses know that Rod takes off at least as much time for the baby as I do, so that they know that I have a 50/50 partnership at home regarding childcare and that I'm not taking off nearly as much time as I *could* be taking off if we followed traditional gender roles and let my career take the back seat every time the baby needs something.
I feel like my attention is being pulled in so many different directions right now. A month ago, I felt like I had *excess* time and was thinking about taking a college class this fall. Right now, I just feel overwhelmed. My dad had bypass surgery last month and I felt worthless for going back to Tulsa and working while he was confused and recovering in the hospital. I feel worthless for not taking better care of our now three dogs, who are all starving for attention at this point. I feel worthless for putting extra strain on my coworkers on the days I take off. I feel worthless for sitting at my desk at my largely sedentary job while Rod is taking care of Emerson. I feel worthless for not devoting more attention to my role as a Youth and Government advisor, while people who have a lot more going on in their lives than I do have been pulling my weight. I feel worthless for falling right asleep at night rather than reading something. I feel worthless because my house is such a mess that I can't stand being in the one place I'm supposed to be able to relax.
I feel bad for all the stuff I *haven't* done, but it's not like I've been lounging around doing nothing. I have just been doing a half-assed job on a million things. But that's all I can do right now. I haven't done anything just for myself in almost a month now. My cross stitch project has been untouched for weeks, which is a good measure of the "me" time I am able to get. I don't see that happening this weekend, but maybe soon.
posted by Amanda Shankle-Knowlton | 6:34 PM
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