Happy Holidays
I can't believe it has now been a year since Rod and I were wrapping Christmas presents, saying that next year we would be wrapping gifts to and from Emerson. This year has gone by so fast - it's hard to believe that Em is almost 10 months old. What's scary is that I'm 10 months older too and it went by in the blink of an eye.
I am in a relaxed mood right now, but usually I get sent into a bit of a tizzy around Christmas and holidays in general. I have kind of a script in my head of how I want things to go based on both tradition and my concept of equality, and when the script is violated I get disturbed. I'm trying to figure out the sources of my anger in years past so that I can do better in avoiding a meltdown this year. I want the people in my house, me included, to feel happy and loved.
I think a lot of my anger has to do with my husband taking off several days at the end of the year when his sons come over for half of their Christmas break. Right there, he's in somewhat of an "I'm relaxed and on vacation" mode. He gets to sleep late and watch TV all day and just hang out with the kids (my perception of course). I have never taken off more than one extra day around Christmas and New Year's, so I get to wake up early and attempt to go to bed early when everyone else around me is partying, or so it feels like. As a group, they're not the cleanest bunch either, so by the end of the week I feel like I need to take a high pressure hose to the entire house. Or yell at Rod to do it instead of asking nicely like a sane person.
This year, if I start to feel my temperature start to elevate I'll just get out of the house for a few extra hours. It is straight up avoiding the situation, I know, but I'm sure everyone will notice my absence less than if I started yelling or crying. When I'm gone I always end up missing them anyway, and I tend to be more forgiving of the kitchen full of dishes.
I do want to see things better from my family's perspective too. I basically entered their lives when they already had their own thing going on. How would I feel if I was comfortable doing things a certain way for so many years, and this woman comes and marries my dad and suddenly everything has to change?
This is an attempt to get all of this off of my chest so that it's less likely to burden me the rest of the week and next week. By identifying my triggers and clearly labeling them as such for me and my family as well, I hope to be more like the person I want to be.
I am in a relaxed mood right now, but usually I get sent into a bit of a tizzy around Christmas and holidays in general. I have kind of a script in my head of how I want things to go based on both tradition and my concept of equality, and when the script is violated I get disturbed. I'm trying to figure out the sources of my anger in years past so that I can do better in avoiding a meltdown this year. I want the people in my house, me included, to feel happy and loved.
I think a lot of my anger has to do with my husband taking off several days at the end of the year when his sons come over for half of their Christmas break. Right there, he's in somewhat of an "I'm relaxed and on vacation" mode. He gets to sleep late and watch TV all day and just hang out with the kids (my perception of course). I have never taken off more than one extra day around Christmas and New Year's, so I get to wake up early and attempt to go to bed early when everyone else around me is partying, or so it feels like. As a group, they're not the cleanest bunch either, so by the end of the week I feel like I need to take a high pressure hose to the entire house. Or yell at Rod to do it instead of asking nicely like a sane person.
This year, if I start to feel my temperature start to elevate I'll just get out of the house for a few extra hours. It is straight up avoiding the situation, I know, but I'm sure everyone will notice my absence less than if I started yelling or crying. When I'm gone I always end up missing them anyway, and I tend to be more forgiving of the kitchen full of dishes.
I do want to see things better from my family's perspective too. I basically entered their lives when they already had their own thing going on. How would I feel if I was comfortable doing things a certain way for so many years, and this woman comes and marries my dad and suddenly everything has to change?
This is an attempt to get all of this off of my chest so that it's less likely to burden me the rest of the week and next week. By identifying my triggers and clearly labeling them as such for me and my family as well, I hope to be more like the person I want to be.
posted by Amanda Shankle-Knowlton | 6:19 PM
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