Happy Thanksgiving
A lot to be thankful for this year. Emerson's first Thanksgiving & 9 months old today. Grateful that my dad made it through his heart problems earlier this year so that he could be around for it. Grateful that my brother now has a job where is able to be off on Thanksgiving so that he could make the trip to Tulsa too. Grateful that my stepsons were with us this year. Grateful for my husband/best friend.
All was great except for about 6 hours when I turned into turbobitch. I keep scaling Thanksgiving back so that it should in theory be easier and easier every year. I still couldn't get through it without having a bad attitude.
Thanksgiving at my grandma's was great when I was a kid. No one ever seemed to be angry or pissed off. That was because everyone knew their roles. The women cooked and cleaned and the men entertained the young kids, watched football, but mostly lounged. No one expected the men to do anything, so there was no reason for the women to be resentful of it.
That's my problem. I expect men to do things now. I was angry when there were 4 men over 18 in my house and no one said "what can I do?". I got some help cleaning up only after I was noticibly pissed off.
But if I expect men to change their roles, why can't I let go of my "womanly" role of wanting a story book Thanksgiving? Of thinking that it's not really Thanksgiving without a turkey, potatoes, stuffing, and rolls?
I love my family and don't want to be angry again. Notes for the future:
1. Make expectations clear: Before a holiday meal from now on, talk with all attendees and assign roles so that I'm not doing it all. If nobody else agrees to help beforehand, we won't have a dinner at all. If I crave turkey myself, I'll go to the meal at Hope Unitarian.
2. Lower expectations: I was super calm after the meal was over. I was a completely different person. I love turkey but no meal is worth getting angry over. If it helps family cohesiveness, we'll eat cold pizza for Thanksgiving next year.
3. Better timing: Part of my stress was that Emerson started fussing for food when I had two pots boiling over and Rod was out. Don't attempt anything unless I have a backup for child care.
4. Better preparation: If I had started addressing the need to clean certain areas of the house before this morning, I wouldn't have let a week's worth of anger build up. It wouldn't have eliminated the anger about the meal but I probably would have been more forgiving if I hadn't already had a bad morning.
5. Embrace the bitchiness: Not all anger is bad. It was understandable to be irritated when no one felt compelled to help me without being prodded. Isn't it just common decency to offer to help the host? Or is that something that little girls learn but no boys were ever taught? Feel the anger, know why I am angry, and make sure the situation improves next time or find ways to avoid the triggers next time. It is not acceptable, however, to let the anger ruin my day and everyone else's.
I'm really not obsessed about this - I just wanted to write while it was all still fresh. I *did* have a great Thanksgiving and am more thankful every day for my family, health, job, and friends.
All was great except for about 6 hours when I turned into turbobitch. I keep scaling Thanksgiving back so that it should in theory be easier and easier every year. I still couldn't get through it without having a bad attitude.
Thanksgiving at my grandma's was great when I was a kid. No one ever seemed to be angry or pissed off. That was because everyone knew their roles. The women cooked and cleaned and the men entertained the young kids, watched football, but mostly lounged. No one expected the men to do anything, so there was no reason for the women to be resentful of it.
That's my problem. I expect men to do things now. I was angry when there were 4 men over 18 in my house and no one said "what can I do?". I got some help cleaning up only after I was noticibly pissed off.
But if I expect men to change their roles, why can't I let go of my "womanly" role of wanting a story book Thanksgiving? Of thinking that it's not really Thanksgiving without a turkey, potatoes, stuffing, and rolls?
I love my family and don't want to be angry again. Notes for the future:
1. Make expectations clear: Before a holiday meal from now on, talk with all attendees and assign roles so that I'm not doing it all. If nobody else agrees to help beforehand, we won't have a dinner at all. If I crave turkey myself, I'll go to the meal at Hope Unitarian.
2. Lower expectations: I was super calm after the meal was over. I was a completely different person. I love turkey but no meal is worth getting angry over. If it helps family cohesiveness, we'll eat cold pizza for Thanksgiving next year.
3. Better timing: Part of my stress was that Emerson started fussing for food when I had two pots boiling over and Rod was out. Don't attempt anything unless I have a backup for child care.
4. Better preparation: If I had started addressing the need to clean certain areas of the house before this morning, I wouldn't have let a week's worth of anger build up. It wouldn't have eliminated the anger about the meal but I probably would have been more forgiving if I hadn't already had a bad morning.
5. Embrace the bitchiness: Not all anger is bad. It was understandable to be irritated when no one felt compelled to help me without being prodded. Isn't it just common decency to offer to help the host? Or is that something that little girls learn but no boys were ever taught? Feel the anger, know why I am angry, and make sure the situation improves next time or find ways to avoid the triggers next time. It is not acceptable, however, to let the anger ruin my day and everyone else's.
I'm really not obsessed about this - I just wanted to write while it was all still fresh. I *did* have a great Thanksgiving and am more thankful every day for my family, health, job, and friends.
posted by Amanda Shankle-Knowlton | 6:57 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home