Almost six weeks
I'm feeling much better than I was six weeks ago this evening. I can't believe it has been six weeks since I gave birth. Suddenly, it is April. Almost mid-April. Staying at home, I feel like I have missed six weeks of the world. When I return to work Monday, I suspect I'll feel like one of those coma patients who was in a car accident on prom night and wakes up in their 30s.
Today has been strange. I'm feeling a weird sense that things are ending, even though I know that is not true. I compare it to preparing for a party or vacation that I was really looking forward to, having a great time, and then having a feeling of disappointment when it was over. But other than my maternity leave ending, nothing is over. But things are transitioning in a way that is sad, but I'm not sure why. I like having a job that makes me think and I like the people I work with. I feel like my brain is deteriorating (i.e. I have actually been watching Saved by the Bell and Full House - a regressive behavior no doubt to make myself feel safe when I'm actually scared out of my mind of taking care of a baby). So I think returning to work will be a good thing. It will be a nice break to not have to feed and entertain the baby all day. But still I'm sad about it in a weird way.
I had my six week postpartum checkup today, which also placed some finality to the pregnancy and child birth process. I'm back on the same routine as before planning for the baby - back on regular medications and having checkups once a year. I don't understand why I'm sad about this -- maybe a weird evolutionary thing. I have my hands full with one kid, I had awful morning sickness, and day care is so expensive, so why am I sad about moving ahead with the non-pregnant routine?
I'll be OK. I can handle going back to work. I will be the best tech support person and software tester that there ever was. I will spend quality time in the evenings with my daughter. I'll keep my relationship with my husband strong. I'll build on my friendships, both old and new. By this fall, I'll have things under control enough to volunteer for Youth and Government again. That all sounds like a lot of work though.
Today has been strange. I'm feeling a weird sense that things are ending, even though I know that is not true. I compare it to preparing for a party or vacation that I was really looking forward to, having a great time, and then having a feeling of disappointment when it was over. But other than my maternity leave ending, nothing is over. But things are transitioning in a way that is sad, but I'm not sure why. I like having a job that makes me think and I like the people I work with. I feel like my brain is deteriorating (i.e. I have actually been watching Saved by the Bell and Full House - a regressive behavior no doubt to make myself feel safe when I'm actually scared out of my mind of taking care of a baby). So I think returning to work will be a good thing. It will be a nice break to not have to feed and entertain the baby all day. But still I'm sad about it in a weird way.
I had my six week postpartum checkup today, which also placed some finality to the pregnancy and child birth process. I'm back on the same routine as before planning for the baby - back on regular medications and having checkups once a year. I don't understand why I'm sad about this -- maybe a weird evolutionary thing. I have my hands full with one kid, I had awful morning sickness, and day care is so expensive, so why am I sad about moving ahead with the non-pregnant routine?
I'll be OK. I can handle going back to work. I will be the best tech support person and software tester that there ever was. I will spend quality time in the evenings with my daughter. I'll keep my relationship with my husband strong. I'll build on my friendships, both old and new. By this fall, I'll have things under control enough to volunteer for Youth and Government again. That all sounds like a lot of work though.
posted by Amanda Shankle-Knowlton | 2:21 PM
1 Comments:
Amanda,
Don't kid yourself and don't doubt yourself either...being an intelligent working successful women that also has to be a mom, wife, sister, daughter and friend is not easy! Having been through this for the past 3 years, I can assure you that there will be days that you feel like the worst mommy ever, but then you will also have days that make you feel like you could take on the world! Enjoy them all...I know it's completely cliche, but you seriously can't imagine how fast they grow up!
-Amber D.
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