Follow-up to Fear

I thought about the post I made last night. I mentioned that in some ways it was hard to watch Emerson adore her big brother. Why is it different now? I came along as an outsider when he was about 8. I've known the progression of MD since I met him, his parents knew at birth, and his older brother knew on some level since I met him. I think a part of me has kept him at arm's length for that reason - every time I find myself growing too attached I think a part of me backs away from him. That's horrible...I know but a mechanism I developed to deal with any sort of loss. So my own feelings are numbed to an extent. Emerson's are not. She hugs her brother, wants to go hang out with him and watch TV when she wakes up on the weekends, lights up when she sees his photo on our shelf during the week.

There is another way to look at this. How nice it must be to love someone without the fear of loss. To make a friend without thinking about how they might move away. To love your spouse, brother, sister, parents, children without thinking about all the sadness that would come if they die before you. I don't even remember loving this way myself - maybe I haven't since I was Emerson's age. I hope to be able to look at the beautiful side of this situation.